the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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