did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize