I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
