Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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