Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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