Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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