the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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