I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what day is it and did you see me today?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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