we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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