you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
