I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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