May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I understand Curling. That high.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
