If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
