I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
