she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
