Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
