You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
