I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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