do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
