Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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