When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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