is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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