I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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