I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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