I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
