You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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