make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
