Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
