I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
