did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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