Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
