Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
