i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
