I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
