i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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