Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
