too bad you live with your parents still
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
