I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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