if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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