Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
