mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
