I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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