you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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