I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
