just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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