I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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