...so i touched it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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