had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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