I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just cut my nipple shaving
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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