hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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