Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
