WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
