moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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