end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
