All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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