I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
