What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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