i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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