Don't make out with my wife yet
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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