Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
