Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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