so let's talk penis.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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