I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
