you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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