the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I supernannyed him into submission
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
