Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize