i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
