she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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