Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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